What Do You Want To Know?
The first thing you should know about me is that I am a full introvert. I do not like to go out and party, large crowds scare me and I typically am not the person that will start the conversation unless I feel it completely necessary. Recently, I did reach out to a fellow writer because her pieces are so good and make me laugh so much! Thanks Lindsay Rae Brown, for filling my days with laughter from reading a story! This is one of the only times I deemed it necessary to reach out because, after reading a specific story of hers, I felt like we were kindred spirits and could be friends, albeit virtual friends, but friends none-the-less.
I wasn’t always an introvert though, I used to be a very outgoing person and introduced myself to everyone. I became an introvert after my first job in customer service when I realized that people actually suck and I didn’t want to deal with them outside of work. I have now been in customer service for over 10 years and my introverted-ness has grown with every week of dealing with the dreaded “Karen.” I have found that my tolerance over people, though I try to give them the benefit-of-the-doubt, has dropped so low and I can really only tolerate the people I live with on a daily basis, and barely even that sometimes. My mom and I talk on the phone every day, usually multiple times a day, but she is the person I can vent to and get out all the annoyance that I face from day to day.
My dad recently re-entered my life and he is not a very busy person, so he wants to talk to me constantly as well, but I work a lot and have a lot to do outside of work, one of those things being writing because if I don’t write, I may just explode. Outside of work, I am a single mom and care for my daughter, I have 4 cats that are all constantly begging for my attention, I am writer that need to write and, truthfully, I have had an over abundance of inspiration lately, I am also a Simmer; playing The Sims for me is an addiction that I am glad I have, though it des take up a bit of my time, I am glad to find and make time for that. I wear many hats in my day to day life and I know my priorities and what I want/need to make time for; people outside of my every day life are not one of those things.
Another important thing you should know about me is that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and acute PTSD. Though on medication, my depression and anxiety still seem to get the best of me and it becomes hard to function like a “normal” human being, though being normal is completely subjective because what is normal to one person may be completely foreign to another. Though I would like to be a high-functioning member of society, I am perfectly content with sitting in my house, playing with my daughter and staring at a computer screen to write a story or make a better life for my Sims. If it were as easy to make money in real life as it is in The Sims, I would have it made with all of the hats that I wear.
I am also an aspiring author. Yes, technically I am one already because of the stories I have published on Vocal at this point and soon to be published here on Medium, but I am talking about being an author of a book. I have written 2 chapters of a YA book so far and I am struggling with writing more as I have had so much inspiration for so many other stories that the book has, unintentionally, been moved to the back burner of my mind. I know which direction I want to go in next for chapter 3 of my book, but actually wanting to write more of it is a struggle when there are so many other things to write about. I am not good at keeping focus on one topic for very long.
Not only do I like to write these stories, I also write song lyrics. I am a singer, so I do sing them out, but I do not know how to actually write the music for them since the only instruments that I play are not the ones that are good for writing songs. However, when I do have an idea for song lyrics, I can usually write them all in about 10-ish minutes. I have thought about selling them and getting my name in the song writing credits on the song of someone that is already famous, but honestly, I couldn’t imagine anyone else singing them. I may let my writing be seen, but I keep my song lyrics for me, in the hopes that one day, maybe I will be able to sing them in front of people, even though I have developed a healthy level of stage fright since becoming my introverted, adult self.
Let me tell you, being an adult is not as fun as I always thought it would be. When I was little…well, even as a teenager, I always wanted to be an adult because I wanted the freedom that adults have to do what they want when they want. Man, was I mistaken in that dream! Having to work a full time job on a schedule made by someone else, paying bills that take pretty much all of the money that is made during that 40+ hour work week and trying to raise a miniature version of myself to be a better person than myself is not as simple as I thought it would be. Saving money is also something I have never been very good at because there are so many things I want to buy. The only time I become a “saver” is when there is something that is expensive that I want very much, like my vacation coming up in a couple of months. This is going to be one of the most expensive vacations I have ever taken, and the first one that I can actually afford for the prices I am paying for everything. Luckily, I have friends that live where I am going so I am saving a lot of money by not having to stay in a hotel for a week.
I know that if I didn’t have my brother living with me and helping me pay bills, I would most likely not be taking this vacation, or at least not going as far as I plan to. I do enjoy when it is just my daughter and I living in our large apartment, but having help paying for things is something I enjoy more. I have never been more thankful for my family. My mom and my sister have always helped me too with anything I have needed if I couldn’t do it on my own and I have since been able to start heling them as well, something I never thought I would be able to do because I let the negative energy bring me down and make me want to stop trying to better my life. My daughter is the one who made me want to make the best life possible; before her, I always only saw how unfair life was. My sister got things handed to her left and right where I have always had to work and struggle for my things, but that struggle has made me a stronger person.
So, now that you know who I am, make sure to keep an eye out for more stories that will be coming along soon! Thanks for reading!